Unless you have a Texas Tech tattoo on/in your body.... NO.... you are NOT a bigger Texas Tech Red Raider fan than me.
Nice try, though :)

I spend a shit-ton of my free time memorizing music videos in my room. Mainly super hott dance moves, but sometimes I try a little something different. Since I have just recently finished Bad Romance by Lady Gaga, that's my current choreography concoction. The thing is though, I just can't get the Zombie part down pat. It's driving me nuts, but it's really hard to act like a bug-eyed Zombie Girl.
Working on it....

As I sit here on hold with Austin Energy, I think about flying my plane right into their main building. Not really, I don't have a plane, and I like my car too much to crash it, but F Austin Energy!!! All I wanna do is set up my electricity at my new place, but apparently it is too hard of a thing for them to do. I have talked to 4 representatives, and all of them are as smart as an empty box of dog crap. My address is not coming up in the "system" because no one has ever lived there before, sir! Of course it makes sense! No one has ever had electricity there, so WHY WOULD you have it in your "system"??? Take your "system" and shove it!

The guy this morning was the worst. Sometimes I do feel bad about being a complete witch to Customer Service Reps, but NOT this fool. He was begging for it. He tried to tell me that the solution to this problem would be for me to go over to the new place, and look around for a meter. I should then take the numbers off of the meter, and call back. Are you kidding me? Isn't that YOUR job, sir? I'm just trying to get some damn electricity, and you're trying to turn me into a meter-reader.

Thank God this guy can't spit in my electricity!!!

*{{ iF YoU sTilL wRitE yOur StaTus UpdAtEs LiKe ThiS}}*

Take your shit back to MySpace! Or the 7th Grade, they both called! Trashy

I just don't get homeless people. I have never really been around that many since I am from Lubbock. We had like 3, and they mainly hung out by "The Strip". I remember a one-legged guy, and a lady that I'm pretty sure was just a prostitute, but that is the extent of Lubbock's homeless population. So you could imagine my astonishment when I moved to Austin. They are EVERYWHERE! It doesn't matter if it's the nice part of town, North, South, or shit-hole... you better believe there's gonna be a homeless person on each corner of that intersection! I wonder if they have specified corners to sit at? Are some corners more profitable than others? Do they have bum-fights to settle their corner-quarrels? It's a sub-culture here, crazy!

I do not feel bad for them. Call me crazy, but I have seen that Barbara Walters Special about homeless people. They make a killin out there! I always remember that one guy who collected something like $500 in one day, and then walked around the corner to get into his luxury car. It's a joke! How do you know if someone is legitimately homeless or not? The truth is, I could really care less who is or isn't homeless, I still do not feel bad for them. In the 8 hours they spent sitting on their ass collecting other people's income, they could have walked their "hungry" ass right down to McDonald's and applied for a job. Easy as that! If they really wanted a better life, they could get it. Begging is the LAZY way, not the right way. (same category as low-life drug dealers) (no offense to respectable drug dealers)

When I first moved here, I was riding with a friend one day, and he decided to give a dollar to a begger. I was not a fan! I immediately expressed my opinion on the matter, and we agreed to disagree. I guess people down here are more okay with it than others, but I am not included in that group.

***If you are a grenade-launcher-begger, and your sign says hungry.... take your fat ass home!!! (no pun-intended)

***If your sign is funny or witty, GREAT effort! I still do not feel bad for you, but if you give me a chuckle on my way to work, you might just get a dollar! eg: "You may live in a $200,000 home... but I live under a $2 million bridge!"

***The new "Bottled Water For Sale" idea is great! I love seeing those guys on a Sunday morning drive-of-shame! You get $2!!!

***I understand that with the financial crisis our Nation is in, there are an abundance of respectable people without jobs. I have seen some of these people on the corners, with signs about their kids and homes at risk, etc. BUT!!! Let me assure you sir, your kids would much rather you come home and say that you went to 4 unsuccessful interviews today than come home and tell you that all of their friends on the bus saw their Dad beggin for money on the corner. Trust me!

I carved an awesome swan into the back of my phone, but I can't take a pic of it to share with everyone :( What a pickle!

So, I am making the big move, here in the next few weeks, and might not have much time to be on here. Stop crying, mom and 6 followers.... I will be back on top of things in no time! I might even get a re-boost or something from my break. Yes, of course I will occasionally splash some shit on here from my phone when I can't help myself, but my internet connection might be sketchy for a while, which will make it hard for me to post pics and links. The charm will be here though ;)

WWF Championnnnnnnnn

WWF, Words With Friends, is a fabulous app! For some reason, people thought that it was cooler than Scrabble, and EVERYONE decided to become on Overnight-WWF-Addict! There were times when I had 20-some-odd games going. I play WWF with people that I don't even talk to, nor have I seen in years. WHY!?! you ask... because iPhones are freakin awesome! When you download an app, and start it up, you can sync your account with your Contact List, and also your Facebook and Twitter friends. Pretty creepy since I am Facebook friends with people that I DO NOT know! I'm also friends with people that suck at life, some kind of.... sketchy characters, some grown-ups, some strippers, some people from my YoungLife days, and even the Mexican kids that used to smoke doobies outside of the Lubbock Cooper FFA barn! Not all people that I want blowing up my phone with word knowledge! Anyways, WWF has been my JAM for a long time, and I have recently been turned off of it. I wanted to tell you all why. How could you stop liking WWF!?! It's insane, I know, but the reason is..... CHEATERS! You yella-bellied scum bags! I can't believe that people have been cheating! No wonder A*** W***** is beating me by 200 points!!! and scoring over 400 points in a game!?! I freakin knew that there was no way! When WWF first hit the scene, I was workin everybody! I was the one to beat! Then all of the cool kids joined in and used their laziness to belittle the TRUE WWF FANS! Ugh, glad I got that off of my chest!

Cheaters don't get anywhere in life!

SO MANY LOSERS ON MY NEWS FEED!!!! Be sure and post 400 pics of your bad ass cars so that EVERYONE KNOWS that you have so many bad ass cars, despite the fact that you are obviously still a materialistic loser. We all know what you had to do to get all of those cars, and marrying an old ass nasty rich guy is about as coo...l as you were in HighSchool. What was your name again?

Songs from Grease automatically make me want to shoot myself. I know alternative lyrics to each song that somehow directly involve choosing Alpha Chi Omega Sorority. Barf in my face. Grease is dead to me.

Hangover- just God's way of saying you kicked ASS

last night.

Chili's has the most visually appealing commercials I have ever seen. The drinks splash with such grace. The chocolate love mounds make your mouth water at first sight. The chicken crispers look crisper than a Benji straight out of Weezy's wallet. How sweet of a job is that to make food look delish-shush (Katt Williams voice) all day! I don't know if you have seen a Chili's commercial lately, but they're really puttin on a good front right now. A menu change-up, fresh "NEW" items, and a chicken crisper show down are their special, so I just had to hit that up tonight. Since Kelli asked me to be her Val first, she took me to dinner :)

A lot of my friends make fun of me for liking Chili's so much. You could call it an obsesh if u like..... Hate all you want baby, I LOVE CHILI'S! It was legit in Little Lubbock, and they offer a wide variety of food choices. It's a friendly environment, and totally acceptable for kids of ANY age to ask for crayons! My FAVE part about Chili's, though, is the dipping sauces. I like any type of food that involves a sauce, or condiment. I typically order appetizers for my meal, and always ask for extra, different choices, on the side, something different, more of the green stuff, and anything involving balsamic sauces. This is a terrible habit, and it often makes me look like "one of those" customers.

We sit down. DP, and DC, please. Also sir, chips and salsa with Avocado Ranch, please ;) This is a must have. Kel and I learned about AR from our friend Brittnee. Delish! Right off the bat I noticed the menu change-up. It totally threw me off my game! Good sales approach by Chili's, though, because my unfamiliarity with the new menu layout left me reading over the entire thing. Hmmm, did you know that you can get bottomless side salad and soup for lunch? And they have added some new bold salad options such as Asian, and something crazy with dried cherries in it!?! Neither one of us had ever had a dried cherry, so decided to search on for the perfect menu choice. Kel noticed that they have eliminated all of their vegetarian dishes, and had to ask for their no-longer-listed-on-the-menu Black Bean Burger. I got a hold of the menu-insert with the "NEW" dishes on it and quickly went for the "NEW" Special Nachos. I have always liked the nachos there, so the the idea of a "NEW" version excited me. The picture of the "NEW" nachos in the menu looked like the the most beautiful set of special nachos I have ever seen! No surprise, that they came out looking like the same old Chili's nachos with some green onions on them! Great picture, though!

It is no longer acceptable to wear jeans with ridiculous amounts of rhinestones on the pockets! Unless, of course, you Bedazzle them yourself, with your own personal flare.

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If your company chose Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman, as their spokesperson... I will not be purchasing ANY of your products.


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Well, the good news is;
No one notices when I wear the
exact same thing to work
2 days in a row!

I'm Sorry!

If you have a problem with me, and my incessant status-updates, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you are unable to come up with such wittingly entertaining thoughts. I'm sorry that you don't have endless free time on your hands to look up quirky facts that no one cares about, but everyone likes. I'm sorry that you don't enjoy your time doing fun things that you would like to share with the rest of Facebook. I'm sorry that it is not easy for you to entertain people with your words.

I'm sorry that you would rather come up with SUPER LAME stati that make people want to de-friend you. I'm sorry that you feel sick, and wish you were not at work. I'm sorry that you play LOSER-Ville, and are concerned about which celebrity that you look most like. I'm sorry that you hate this weather, and you are wondering, "why me?". I'm sorry you're in class, and your homework sucks. I'm sorry that your girlfriend dumped you, and I'm sorry that you think Twilight is cool enough to still have status updates about Edward Cullen.

I AM NOT SORRY about being funnier, happier, and cooler than you are, though!

77 points on WWF...
That just happened!

Swan's Urban Dictionary, Part III

"a man will pay the bills, but a thug will keep it hood" -Advice from Slim Thug

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I'm only watching the pre-pre-game stuff so far, and the "Pam & 'Little Baby Timmy' Tebow" commercial already made me want to barf. He is not a part of the Super Bowl, leave him and his Heisman out of it!

Glitter Splash

To the adorb crunchy hippie-chick who blasted me with golden fairy dust in the bathroom at Antone's last night:

THANKYOU! I appreciated how you only put small amounts of stripper-glitter on my face, compared to your.... much more serious approach. Though I was hesitant at first, you didn't really give me much choice in the matter. My eye-glam did NOT go un-noticed, and was mostly commented on by males. That's because all of the females who noticed were thinking, "Ewww, look at that Ginger with glitter all over her face. It's gold, and she's wearing silver accessories!" The worst part was that for some reason, I chose to sport some BRIGHT red lip-stick, also last night. I still can't get it off my lips as I sit here, and type, 16 hours later.

Regardless, I kinda liked the glitter splash. It was almost like those "Invisibility Power Ray Bans" that I found at ACL. Total game-changer! Just in time for Super Bowl XLIV! Who Dat

RED BOX

I am not really a movie fanatic. They're cool and all, but once I've seen a movie, I don't usually watch it again. Unless it's a SUPER funny movie, then I just download it boot-leg before your ass is even watching it at Tinseltown. I knew about the tiger in the bathroom before Mike Tyson did! I like movies, but I only watch 'em when I see 'em. I don't really go to the movie theatre, or spend money on seeing them. When I do go, I usually have a gift card from my mom... she's the ISH, for sure!

I didn't see Avatar, (3-D movies make me barf), and I have never read one word of any sort of Vampire Trash. Sorry Mom, I just think it's for losers. Yeah, I see movie trailers and think, "Man, that's looks like a kick ass movie!" But if you wait long enough, you'll forget about it, and then one day... It's on HBO! Awesome. The are only TWO forms of paying for movies that I agree with.

1. Alamo Drafthouse. We don't have this is Woodrow Compton, Texas. I am still lovin' it like a tourist, as I am with most of the things in Austin. I keep tellin my Dad that if he wants to make millions, he should open an Alamo Drafthouse right next to Texas Tech University.

2. RED BOX. This fool.... wow! Mad props to you. You have a box at every Walgreen's and McDonalds in the laziest, most movie-watching country EVER! RedBox passed Blockbuster in sales by 2007! It's the easiest way to rent a movie, and not get screwed into all sorts of debt.

3. Even though I said two, I just thought of another one. I'll have to admit that there have been a few times in my life where I couldn't find ANYTHING on the television, and I just couldn't help but to buy a movie for $4.99. Atleast you can't risk getting late fees, and you can record it!

Okay, this is not even what I wanted this to be about when I started writing about movies today. What I wanted to talk about was chick flicks. I love a good chick flick! Unfortunately, I have a low tolerance for emotional scenes, and sometimes it just feels good to just cry over a sad love story! When I imagine going to see one, I think of going with my mom, or girlfriends. NOT with a boy! I saw something today about a girl MAKING her boyfriend go see a sappy tear-jerker about a boy.... and a girl.... and they were separated by war.... and they wrote letters.... and you know the rest. What MAN wants to see that!?! None of them! Don't get me wrong, props to you for being able to get him to agree to it, he must really like you. Barf. You may be doing it as some sort of punishment, or to prove a point, and if that's the case, even more props! But me, personally, wouldn't really have interest in a guy who watched chick-flicks. I am not a fan of pansies, and I think that 8 hours a day of ESPN is sexy. You have to be careful that you don't let them fall asleep with Sports Center on though, because it runs on a 30 minute repeat-loop, and it could have some adverse effects on the brain. The moral of the story is, men should not watch chick-flicks. Stand up for yourselves, just say no.

working late, we have a blender, lets have some margs :)

Not only is February 5 national Bubble Gum day, it is also national Weatherperson's Day!!! So call up your favorite weatherperson and let em know they're doin a great job!

SuperBowl Champs 2010!!!

Here is a copy of the "rules" for the game I will being playing for the Super Bowl this Sunday, that the Saints are going to win :

The New Orleans Saints Superbowl Drinking Game
1. Every time they mention hurricane Katrina, drink 1
2. If they show pictures of the City of New Orleans right after Katrina, drink 1
3. Every time they say how much the Saints mean to the City of New Orleans, drink 1
4. Every time the words “tragedy”, “flood”, or “devastation” are used, drink 1
5. Every time they talk about how good Reggie Bush was in college, drink 3
6. If they show Kim Kardashian in the stands, drink 5
7. Every time they show a picture of Reggie Bush with a bat or say “bringing the wood” drink for 5 seconds..
8.. Every time Reggie Bush gets negative yardage trying to run around in the backfield a bunch and outrun the defense, drink 1 and turn to the person next to you and say “I told you Vince Young should have won the Heisman”
9. Every time Reggie Bush gets up and flexes his arms in that pose he likes to do, drink 1
10. If they mention Tim Tebow for any reason, funnel a beer
11. Every time they say that “it’s destiny for the Saints to win” drink 1
12. If they show footage of Katrina survivors at the Superdome, take a shot of cheap liquor
13. If they call Saints fans the most passionate fans in football, drink 1
14. If they say that the Saints, Saints fans, or the City of New Orleans “deserve” a Superbowl victory, drink 1
15. Every time they say how good of a story the Saints are, drink 1
16. If Jeremy Shockey pretends to be hurt after dropping a pass, drink 2
17. If they mention the Saints beating the Falcons in 2006 in the first game after Katrina in the Superdome, drink 5 and remember that we are still a better football team with better fans.
18. Every time they compare hurricane Katrina to the Haiti earthquake, funnel a beer and yell “********!”
19. Every time they mention Drew Brees as the Mardi Gras king, drink
20.. Every time they show Archie Manning, drink 1, and mention how bad he sucked. If they show old footage of him on the Saints, drink 5. If they mention how tough of a decision it was for him as for whom to cheer for, drink 10.
21. Every time they show a saints fan yelling "Who dat!" Or a sign/shirt saying the same, drink 1.
22. If they show Chris Paul at the game, drink 1 and mention to someone how much better he is than Marvin Williams.
23. If they show former Mayor Ray Nagin, drink 5 and then punch someone in the face
Other Rules not involving the Saints:
1. Every time they show Eli Manning in the press box, drink 1
2. Every time Pierre Garcon is mentioned with Haiti, drink 1
3. If Brett Favre is mentioned for any reason, drink 1

Don't tell me that the SKY is the limit, when there's footprints on the MOON!!!

CLICK ON IT!!!

I hate the fact that I have to post this, but people from generation C don't really "get" computers.

***When a posting has a group of words that are a DIFFERENT COLOR and/or UNDERLINED, you can click on the word, or phrase, and it will link you to another web-site. I will typically do this when something is unclear and needs a wiki-def, video, or most often, a picture. There's NO telling how many key details and photographs have been missed by my most avid reader (my mom). Next time you see an UNDERLINED/DIFF COLOR word, CLICK ON IT!!!

Man alive! What a crazy 3 hours that was last night! I have watched Lost here and there over the past 5 seasons. Though I really liked the show, and Sawyer, I could never handle the confusion of what was going on. The whole backwards-time travel-black monster thing began to leave me questioning too many things, so I would get frustrated, and skip a few episodes. Even worse idea!

Last night, I sat down to watch the 5 season recap, and was determined to catch up, and gain a full understanding of what has gone down, and is getting ready to go down. I wanted to be 100% ready for the 2 hour premiere. Talk about a brain freeze! You know on The Butterfly Effect, when Ashton Kutcher travels through time and then his brain explodes and his nose bleeds??? That's what the 5-season recap made me feel like. Too much information. Too much craziness.

As prepared as I'd ever be, I began the season premiere. Why was everything under water? Why was Kate's voive under-water-sounding at the beginning? When the island moves, does it move underwater? DID the bomb work? Are they alive in 2 different places in time? Is Juliet alive in the future? Please tell me you saw that Dharma Shark!?! Will future-Locke stay paralized, or will Dr. Sheperd fix him? WHO is the mystery Jacob-Killer-Black-Monster dude? Christian? WHY WAS SAWYER DOING SUCH AWK FACIAL EXPRESSIONS!?! What's the deal with Sayid being so special? Is he really back alive, WTF!?!

When discussing this craziness with my boss, he told me,
"In Confusion, there is PROFIT!" Whether this is true or not, it definitely works for Lost.

Today in History: February 3

1690: 1st PAPER money is issued. 1783: Spain recognizes US independence. 1834: Wake Forrest University is established. 1870: 15th Amendment ratified (voting rights given to African Americans). 1913: 16th Amendment ratified (STUPID TAXES). 1959:The Day the Music Died. 1984: History's 1st Successful Embryo Transfer.

iSmear

A long horizontal smear on the bottom of your Iphone caused from answering a call using the slide bar with a greasy finger.

Red Lobster

WOW!!! I had a FAB time in LBK last weekend. I got see my BFFFF get hitched, and partied balls for a few days, home-style. Needless to say, Sunday morning was pretty rough for me, and I was NOT looking forward to my flight home that afternoon.

10:00am Phone Call

Mom: You up?

Me: yussssss (wondering who is calling me)

Mom: Still wanna do lunch?

Me: yussssss (Holy cow, I think I drank 2 bottles of Chardonnay last night)

11:00am Phone Call

***MTS=Mark the Shark=Dad (It also helps if you imagine this text in a Country-Mean-Funny-KickAss-Dad-Voice)

MTS: Well you sound like shit.

Me: Umm, yeah. (trying to gather my time-frames, and wondering just how late my folks stayed at the reception)

MTS: Well, get your ass up!!! We're going to lunch with your grandparents. Red Lobster. Be there. Noon.

Me: I just threw up in my mouth.

Dad: NOON!!!

11:15am to 11:45am consisted of a series of calls trying to wake my little sister up, and convince her to come get me and take me to Red Lobster with her, despite the fact that it was completely out of her way. There was then a series of calls in attempt to lead my sister to my location. It ended with me looking out the front door, closing it in disgust, and admitting to my 18 year old sister that I was, in fact, at the house with the truck parked half-way in the street, other half UP on the sidewalk. wow.

Noon. I enter Red Lobster and am immediately intimidated by the crowds of people dressed in fancy church-gear. Always WORST part about going to eat on Sundays. I know what you're thinking, but Red Lobster is still considered "fancy" in Lubbock. Judge if you want. Anyways, WHAM! I am slapped in the face with the scent of middle-class fish. I give Sissy "that look" and head for the bathroom. There are 3 women over 60 waiting in line, and sudden paranoia takes over me. Must find sister.

I get to the table and feel the eyes of those who spawned me staring me down. HARD. Dad does a fake sniffle as though he can smell me sitting there. Stan the Man (Grandpa) is, of course, oblivious and loves to see me all the same. My sister laughs in amazement of my appearance/slurred speech/discombobulation. I order some DP in hopes that it might help, but end up back in the bathroom praying to the porcelain God.

That sucked, and there's really no point to that story, except for that I puked at Red Lobster last weekend.... incase you were wondering.

More Creepy Ginger Stuff

Today at Taco Deli, there were THREE Gingers working there. When I noticed this, I quickly asked the short curly headed Ging if Taco Deli had a "thing" for hiring our species. He laughed, told me the girl Ging was a dye-job (one of the better ones I've seen), and that their GINGER manager hired them, and was not even there at the time. This means that FOUR (3 legit) Gingers work at Taco Deli on Braker. Look out people... the invasion is nearing!

There is a shit-ton of people who like to go, "WHOOP WHOOP" after they say

something awesome. I'm over it.

I just spent my entire "adult" lunch hour driving around campus yelling at all the freshman,
"TRADE LIVES WITH ME!!!"

Celeb-Look-Alike

So Facebook is doing this thing where they tell people to change their profile pic to the "celebrity" that they look similar to. This has been thoroughly entertaining. Some are really interesting because I had never noticed the resemblance, and some are outrageous; to think that someone would mislead some of these poor souls.

I cannot participate because I am a Ginger, and do not have a celeb-look-alike. People have told me Julia Roberts, or Lindsanity.... but I know that they only say this because of the hair. I don't really look ANYTHING like them! I look like my mom, and she is Linda Ronstadt re-incarnated, so I guess we can stick with that one.

Today, I saw the most ridiculous one ever! This un-named girl (who is already ridiculous enough) spent time and effort CREATING her new profile pic. She put her face next to the celebrity's face, and made some egotistical comment about how much she looked like her. No ma'am. You do not look ANYTHING like her! I immediately commented on the post, and let her know that this is absurd. Reality check, bitch.

School dances sure have changed!

I don't even know what to say right now.... watch this! prepare to vomit/cry!

True Life: just heard a song on the radio with the chorus, "baby, you gonna think I invented sex"... Flabberghasted!


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