Uh! Take that, ya dike........

My friend Shara is one of the most genuine people I know, so I really trust her judgement. I often call her for advice, and look to her for guidance. One day, she pointed out that sometimes I say really rude/ridiculous things without knowing it. Shit. She implied that it was directly correlated to my red-neck upbringing, but I think it is my lack of filter between brain and mouth. Either way, it sometimes gets me into sticky situations.

This weekend, I exercised my freedom of rude-ass speech to the fullest. As I was groovin' to some Spivey, I couldn't help but notice the douche-dancer between me and the stage. His moves were begging for me to kick him right in the ass. I walked up behind him, and mocked his style for a few 8-counts, but couldn't stop there. I reached my arm out, and gave him the Noogie of a life-time, knocking his sun-glasses right onto the dance floor. As I realized that this might offend a complete stranger, he whipped around to confront me.

BOOBS! It was a chick, and she was bowed-up like a bullfrog. Though I talk a big game, I am immediately terrified, and at a loss for words. Somehow, I manage to say,

"I'm so sorry, I thought you were a guy."

Are you kidding me? What the eff is wrong with me? As much as that deserved a hay-maker to the jaw, I bolted to take shelter behind the nearest friend-boy I could find. Luckily, I got away.

Uh! Take that, ya dike........