I love salad bars! Making your own plate is exhilarating, and having endless options is the ish. I like a simple salad with green onions, tomatoes, feta cheese, balsamic dressing, and artichokes. Those 5 ingredients will make a pretty delish salad, but if you want to make it over the top, you need to add the one ingredient that makes any salad phenomenal..... sunflower seeds. I could eat a mountain of sunflower seeds. Nothing sucks worse than building a fab salad, and getting to the end to discover that they don't have sunflower seeds. I will ditch the salad and go get something else, no doubt.

I discovered my love for salad bars at an early age, when my grandparents took me to Mr. Gatti's. Though I realized later in life how measly their selection was, I still looked forward to that salad bar every week. That was back in my ranch dressing days, which really goes well with sunflower seeds. I soon learned of Souper Salad, and realized how much the salad bar world had to offer. Souper Salad was my jam, until I threw my Texas Tech themed retainers into the trash one day. Since this was the 7th set of ridiculously expensive retainers my parents had to pay for, you can imagine their fury as I screamed half-way back home. Mark the Shark slammed on the breaks, and my Mom ripped me three new ass-holes on the way back to the restaurant. She escorted me inside, and helped me demand that the terrified cook let us take the trash into our possession. Diggin through the trash, I cried as I thought about all of those people out front waiting to see if my Mom brought me back out alive or not.

It was a sad sad day at that Lubbock, Texas Souper Salad. I had a hard time going back after the horror. Luckily, I soon heard of Zookini's, and realized that Souper Salad is the ass of salad bars. My ongoing love for salad has remained a constant in my life, as I have now discovered Whole Foods and Leaf. I have decided that my Arts and Crafts business will also head-up the world's greatest salad bar/bars nationwide. Be there.

Hey Douche! Sweet Porche!

I'm having a really hard time with this. I have so many stories that I want to tell, but can't. I can't talk shit about people (bad dates) when they know that it's me. Ugh, I knew I never should have accepted his friend request! As much as I would feel terrible about telling my 5 followers what a lame date he was, I still want to tell them sooooo badly! You wouldn't believe some of the stories! How long is the appropriate amount of time that I should wait before I roast a douche-date? A week? A month? Never? What about right now? Okay, okay, I'll tell you.

I had the WEIRDEST 3 hours with the BIGGEST douche-bag a couple weeks ago. I met his guy at the Greenbelt one weekend, and was forced into one of those awkward can-I-get-your-number situations. Though hesitant, I thought it might be okay since we talked about both being artists. When he told me that he had a welder, I was hopeful that we could become friends and arts-n-crafting buddies. He was diligent. He facebook requested me before I got home. He wanted to show me his studio by Tuesday, and even offered to come get me from work. As I walked outside, I realized that his demand for picking me up was so that I could see his convertible Porche. Cool, dude. I arrived at his AWESOME house with my freshly wind-blown afro, and was quickly reminded that men are always about 4 years less mature than their age. Ready to get back to my car, I cried inside as he proposed a bite to eat on the way back to my office. Grrrrrreat, this should be fun.

You wouldn't even believe it. Fun. as. shit! We went to a Mexican Food restaurant that made Taco Taco in San Antonio seem like Abuelo's. He immediately pulled the Sissy Nancy Panda Bear act, and said that he just hadn't been able to eat much lately since his tummy was hurting. Going on the 3rd hour I had ever spent with the guy, he began to ask questions about my past relationships and life. I knew it had to end soon. We walked up to the register to pay, and our meal was $17. HE ASKED ME IF I MINDED LEAVING THE TIP!!! Despite the fact that he used his card, he thought it would be cool if I could throw down some cash. Are you eff'ing kidding me?

Glad to be on the way back to my car, I am releived that the windy ride is too loud for conversation. Wup! Not for this guy! He screams questions about my religion, which is a tough subject for me to express my opinions on. At first I was scared to offend him, but then saw it as an opportunity to make a fine impression for myself. Nothin' better than an awkward I'm-an-athiest convo.

The next question stunned me, "so..... on a scale from 1-10..... what do ya give me?" I didn't even know how to answer. Sick of his every being, I told him he was an 11, no doubt. Calls and texts persisted for a while, but I think he finally got the hint. I guess I will find out once I blast this story on facebook.

Ding Ding Ding

What is the ONE thing that no sport can go without? Whether it be a toot, ding, buzz, or dong, you've gotta make some sort of noise in order to get shit accomplished in any game.

So in the words of Lil Jon ,

"Blow the Whistle!"

I'm not hating on people who go to smoke shops because, obviously, I go to smoke shops... BUT... If you have to leave your windows down while you go into the smoke shop because there are 4 un-seated children jumping around your car... You, Sir, need to check your damn priorities!