So, im sitting on the Little Woodrow's patio with some friends, and a Begger lady comes up. She is huge, homeless, and her T-shirt says "America's Next Top Model". She has tons of shit in her hands, some of which is pieces of pepperoni pizza. She hands us a card with some handwriting on it, and grubs on that pizza... staring.
"I am deaf. I cannot hear you. Please give me a donation so I can help my deaf family."
Call me evil, but I don't give a shit, and am absolutely positive that you are full of it! We deny, hand her back the card, and she moves onto the next table. She leans over the railing and hands them the card. There's more of them, but don't worry she has more cards! Under the pizza, and the Nokia that has "Snake" on it, she locates the back-up cards, and hands them out with marinara on her fingers. I knew this would be good judging by the ridiculousness that this table had displayed earlier. We start to banter and yell and call her bluff. As she is trying to play pictionary with 6 drunk tards, Bill yells, "You're not deaf!" She TOTALLY heard him and looked right at him! Bayum! Gotchya!
Wait! The drunk blonde says she knows sign language! We wait anxiously to see if we can realllllly bust her. They start doing some crazy stuff back and forth, people are yelling, laughing, all of which while America's Next Top Model juggles pizza crust and index cards. As we were hootin' and hollerin' the blonde stands up and screams at us, "Shut up! I can't hear!" ha! Really? It was awesome! The blonde girl gives her a dollar and she scampers. Translated, it was the blonde introducing herself, and then homegirl repeating the blonde's name back to her. "WTF?", I think to myself. Apparently, (according the Plastered Barbie) this is customary for sign-introduction, but she still never revealed her own name.
When we asked the girl why she thought homegirl deserved the bill, she said because she respected the fact that she spoke to her, and the lady communicated back. Pssschhh, it was such a joke! I asked, "So, since I can communicate back to you right now, can I have a dollar?"
Either way, it was thoroughly entertaining! I wonder how you sign in Chinese? Or Spanish? Is it different?
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My favorite part about cooking is that I can do whatever I want! I control my own destiny. I am what you can call a "go with the flow" cooker. I don't follow any rules, or recipes, I go with my gut, and create magic. Of course, I have had some bad turn-outs, some upset tummies, and some unruly rioters, but all in all.... I'm pretty much Betty Crocker. If I had endless money, it would be insane, but unfortunately cooking is an expensive hobby. I LOVE to cook for people, and try to host fabulous meals. For some reason, it makes my day to feed friends.
One of my new cooking projects has been what some of us like to call a "LOST" dinner. I am a Lostie. Call it queer if u must, but the show is intriguing. Every Tuesday night we gather and eat an Island meal, meaning a meal comprised of only things that could be found on an island. It's fun, and healthy :) Last week I made lemon-garlic Tilapia, on a bed of greens, feta, green onions, and balsamic vinagarette, topped with caramelized red peppers and onions. Also with lemon-baked asparagus, and fresh fruit. IT. WAS. LEGIT! Thank God! I was so thankful when it came out okay. Not only did I forget a few of my ingredients, I also made some other KEY mistakes in my cooking game that night. 1. I just didn't fully prepare. I was cooking at someone else's house, and that can be frustrating when you don't know your way around. 2. I forgot my favorite special olive oil, and my secret seasoning. F! 3. As I opened the jar of minced Garlic that I brought, I knew immediately that the smell was off. I get a waft, and realize that I had somehow, sometime, switched the lids on my garlic, and my ginger! Bad move! Luckily, Kelli had some Garlic, so the plan went on. With garlic and lemon juice, nothing can go wrong. 4. Even though I made it through mistake #3, I must have been feeling a little frisky, because I decided to go ahead and toss some of that Ginger in there anyways, just to see what happens. "Go with the flow" 5. I let my nerves get to me. It was my first time cooking for 3 of my guests, and I really wanted to make a good impression.
With no outline, no rules, and no recipe, my dinner ended up being pretty awesome! That's what REAL cooking is, it's CREATING! Okay, that was queer. goodnight.
Loving Life in Austin, Texas :)
Hiking down the Greenbelt, heading towards something awesome :)
Sculpture Falls... sunning and people watching :)
UFC 111
Ahhhhh, now..... to my BOO's fight. George St Pierre... freakin' bad ass. Of course I knew he was not going to let Dan Hardy take that belt away form him, I just kinda wished he would have knocked his ass out! There was five rounds of some pretty good ground-n-pound (that's douche-bag Joe Rogan talk), and it looked like Hardy was gonna tap out in the 4th round, when GSP did his sexy little Kamura :) Anyways, the fight was great, my man won unanimously, TOLD YA!!!!
I tried something new this weekend. I DID NOT go out! I know, I know, how can that be!?! Well, it's pretty fun. By not going out and getting shit faced all weekend, I opened up a whole new world of possibilities. I did more physical activity before Saturday than I had done all week. It was great! I was out of bed, and ready to rock by 10 am every morning, and I didn't feel like death! Phone? Check! Keys? Check! I knew where my debit card was, and I never had to pay an egotistical foreign cab driver. I didn't eat late-nite death food, and I don't have 16 unwarranted charges on my bank account. I didn't black-out, and I didn't embarrass myself by performing a Beyonce routine in front of dozens of people. I have all of my belongings in my possession, all of my friends are in tact, and I didn't risk anyone's life by putting myself behind the wheel. There are no phone calls or texts on my phone past midnight, and no ridiculous status updates either. No douche-bags were roasted, and no guy was given my little sister's phone number so he would walk away. My feet don't hurt, there is not make-up all over my face, and I didn't have to try on everything in my closet before I left the house. The greatest part is.... it's only Sunday people!!!! Do yourself a favor, and go do something. Forget facebook, the lamest Sweet 16 ever, and air conditioning. Go outside. Sweat. Have fun. Wear sunscreen!
What an AMAZING day to be in Austin! Morning run at Town Lake, brunch at Galaxy Cafe, an afternoon of hiking the greenbelt and playing in the water.... Now laying poolside with good friends and some beautiful rays. Keeping my Ginger skin safe, no worries :) can't wait for dinner and a movie with the girls! Life is F'ing awesome!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
AHHHHH!!! So excited! Tomorrow is my last day of working where I work. That's not really what I am so excited about.... I will miss my co-workers.... but what I'm excited about is the party! We are going to a really great place and DYSFUNKSHUN JUNKSHUN is playing! I freakin' love them! I am ready to have a good send off, and jam out with my favorite ladies! New paths, and a brighter future :)
Swan Dives Part I
I recently discovered that Food Network doesn't know what they are talking about. Sure, I love your shows, and IronChef America is my jam.... But where do they get off saying where the best tacos in America are? NOT at TacoTaco, Sir! Seriously, with all of the resources at Food Network's fingertips, you would think they'd try and recommend a place that would at least pass a food inspection. Anyways, my point is, if Food Network can get away with naming bullshit awards to places like that, then I can damn sure give some pretty official awards myself! I think this calls for a new series! Swan Dives, is here people, and I'm not gonna mess around. I like to eat good food, and I like to talk about it.
I'm gonna go ahead and kick things off right, with one of my absolute FAVES!
GALAXY CAFE
This place is the bomb.com! Not only do they have ridiculously cool T-shirts, but their food is off the charts! Chicken salad with the perfect combination of walnuts and grapes can do wonders to me. Dinner specials, breakfast schmorgusbord, OUT OF THIS WORLD MASHED SWEET POTATOES, and the best club wrap in town.... the Milky Way has nothing on Galaxy Cafe! Hopefully someone from the Food Network will go check it out, and probably die of delight.
Today, I experienced 2 very horrifying things
First, some of my friends introduced me to ChatRoulette. Holy shit! What has this F'ed up world come to? No child should be let ANYWHERE near a web cam! On ChatRoulette.com, you can virtually start a random video-chat with someone from anywhere across the world! It has the potential to be really cool, but unfortunately we live in a world with some serious sick-o's. You shuffle through random people, looking for someone fun to chat with. Approximately 70% of the people that I got "shuffled" to were Pervy McPervertons, and all X-rated. As you click next, the new chat pops up and surprises you, be prepared. Most of the creepers are not showing their faces, more so disgusting actions, and extremities. It's awful! Nothing was funnier than when 3 teenage girls popped up on my screen and their faces were covered with horror from what they had seen before they skipped to me. It was hilarious! Despite all of the creepy losers, we did meet some normal people. It's such a releiving feeling whenever you see someone "normal" pop up on your screen. I have no desire to do it again, but I'm glad I got to experience what everyone is raving about.
Second, I watched the movie "Precious". I have never had any desire to watch it, obviously, and I only did it because my friends were over, and they wanted to watch it. I knew that I would be sitting here, typing my little heart out, throughout whatever movie they picked anyways. As we sat on the couch, and listened to Anthony read the movie Description aloud, I couldn't help but gasp in disbelief! The first sentence states that poor 600 lb. Precious gets impregnated by her father, unwillingly of course, TWICE! Holy cow! Who wants to watch that? Immediately upset about having to see this, I do my best to keep my eyes on the computer, and focus on my blog. That was impossible, however, since the first scene of the movie was Precious getting raped by her disgusting father. It is one of the saddest, most horrible, sick & twisted movies I have ever seen. I cried later in the movie just because it was so screwed up. Why don't they make good movies anymore?
Boot Camp
This is what I felt like today as I was working out in the rain. Though hesitant at first, I am so glad I went through with it. I felt like a freakin' champion! Running was easier, the air was cooler, and laying down on my yoga-mat soaked in rain and grass was incredibly refreshing.
THISSSSSSSS
ISSSSS
SPARTAAAAAAAA!
Hasta Luego
The economy is eating college graduates for breakfast. It' ridiculous. I have just recently found a great job, and I am UBER excited about it! BUT it was a looooong row to hoe, people! I went to more interviews than Donald Trump last year. Interviews don't scare ME though, I can totally rock one out. Nothing feels greater than walking out of an interview knowing that you kicked ass in there. By the same token, it feels pretty terrible when you find out you didn't get the job. I made it through 3 rounds at Whole Foods last Winter, and I was on top of the world!!! I got myself so pumped up about working for an Austin based company whose named appeared in Forbes Magazine as a straight baller. Working there would be incredible. Being the over-sharer that I am, I told some friends about my possible opportunity, and got some pretty good feedback. Someone even told me that Whole Foods had employee-hippie-retreats every Summer in Colorado.... need I say more? So you would understand why I was so upset to learn that I came in 2nd, for a KICK-ASS job!
Early last Summer I saw an ad in the paper for a Personal Banker. I was a teller at Wells Fargo when I was 18, and I'm pretty good with money..... okay I am terrible with money, but I do like it. So what the heck, right? I went in, SCHOOLED about 20 people in a math test, and went on to the interview. The lady who interviewed me was one of 3 interviewers, and I couldn't have gotten a better one! She looked straight outta Odessa, Texas. (That's more make-up, hairspray & rhinestones than Lubbock women, for those of you who aren't familiar.) Turns out, she enjoyed spending her free time painting and decorating for her friends. She ate me up! In a good way. She hired me as a Personal Banker, and told me to add a blazer & panty-hose to my work-attire on my way out. Shit!
I had to do training for like 2 months at the downtown branch on Congress. It was a series of computer training classes, it sucked. I managed to skip a little bit of the classes, and work my charm on a nerdy instructor. (who happened to ALSO rip cigs on the roof during break time so we hit it off well.) One time I even left and toured the Capitol like the tourist that I am. It came time to go to the branch, and have a DESK! Finally! I got stationed at Highland Mall, which happens to be the "Ghetto-Stabbing-Mall", as I was told from an Austonian. Perfect! I get there, get my desk, and my first desk-top name-plate. It was glorious. I soon learned that there was nothing to do, because the mall was dying and only had half of the stores occupied. There was a smoothie place that I pretty much supported, and a REALLY AWESOME under-ground sneaker shop. My job was to go out and "get customers" as much as I could, so I spent most... all of my time out "getting customers". We could even leave the mall as long as we got signatures from 3 people at the business. By the grace of God, the near by Chili's Bartender served 2 years for forgery.
Sometimes though, I did feel like doing some work. I enjoyed leading the team meetings, being in charge of all decorating and organization. I also took charge of all print work and signage. That kind of stuff floats my boat, and so does working with people. The thing was...... this was IBC bank. THE BANK OF MEXICO. One of the main reasons I got the job was because I told them that I could speak fluent Spanish. I cannot speak fluent Spanish. The training was all good, but when it came time for me to talk to a customer I was screwed. Answering the phone was like a scary game of roulette for me. IBC bank wasn't cool with that. They also wanted me to work weekends right in the prime of my first Summer in Austin. No way Jose! You better believe I peaced out of that place with my desk-top name-plate in hand and a smile on my face!!!! Hasta Luego!!!
GSP
There's no sexier quality in a man than the ability to beat some ass.... and of all the great ass-beaters.... George St Pierre might be the hottest! Not only is he doing a damn good job of holding down his UFC title right now, he has also shown his positive character in the Ultimate Fighter TV show. Be sure and watch him work Dan Hardy this weekend :)
Mustache Party
As I have discussed before, I have an impulsive-purchasing-disorder, which I am not proud of. For me, the weekly grocery store trip quickly turns into a Pescaterian-crazed-Rachel Ray fantasy, with middle aged women mad-doggin' me as I block the aisles, looking up recipes on any one of my awesome recipe apps. (See; Can I Marry my iPhone!?! Part III) Cooking is my jam, so it's no surprise that my #1 FAVE compulsive purchase was my 3am Slap Chop 2 buy! An amazing tool, and often the highlight of my evening; the Slap Chop has dramatically changed my life. (Despite the fact that I didn't even receive my bendy-sweet-rubber-cutting boards, with handles!)
Well, now that I went on a short tangent.... let me get back to the issue at hand; my #2 FAVE compulsive purchase; the MUSTACHE PARTY! It all started last Summer, when I went to Nacagdoches for a "Stash Bash". It was insane, that town is insane, I plan to write a separate, and lengthy blog about the party crazed maniacs, and playboy cheerleaders that roam the SFA campus. Since the Stash Bash was around the same time my SFA friend was graduating, I decided I need to bring a gift for him. So one night, in an Insomnia driven internet binge, I quickly realized that what I needed to buy him was as many fake mustaches as I could find. I murdered every search engine like my life depended on it. By the grace of God, I somehow stumbled upon an ebay deal that seemed too good to be true. I had two choices; 1. Take the safe route and buy the ones that seem legit. Though I will get much fewer mustaches for my money on this deal, it seems to be the going rate for these babies. Option 2. Buy the shady mustache mountain galore, with an undecipherable Japanese description. Is it a scam-buy? Shit... Japan, or whatever language that is... that's pretty far... I wonder how long they will take to arrive? BUT, of course, I would much rather show up with more mustaches than you could imagine, as well as make sure and have enough to party with for the next few years..... I bought a few hundred mustaches that day. Unfortunately, they came in AFTER the Stash Bash in Nacagdoches, but they came.... holy crap.... they came! I got a box of fake mustaches that could stock up a Mr. Gatti's prize store for a decade. Freakin' awesome! Over the past 7 months, I have busted them out a few times, forgotten about them, given a ton away as gifts, and even tried a few on... nothing too serious, but always a crowd pleaser.
This weekend,however, changed all that. I finally had my mustache party! Some friends and I finally got crunk enough to put them to real use. As I busted out one package of mustaches, we quickly battled for the coolest stash-style based upon shape, size, and nick name. The mustache names are one of the best parts about them. Miles immediately jumped all over "The Casanova", and and Kelli went for "The Rogue". In my head I thought, "What the hell does rogue mean, Hitler?" Cass picked up "The Smarty" as a unibrow, and then decided it looked better on Allie, the dog. I went with "The Scoundrel" (handlebars, duh!) for my stash, and cut a Casanova in half for some pretty wicked eye-brows.... "The Casanova Cut". The photo shoot that occurred during this Mustache Party was insane in the membrane. Some photos, I pray never surface, but here is a pretty dang good one for you to see.
Today I met someone with an astonishing outlook on life. I am still in shock over the beliefs of this man, so I am going to share it with my 6, possibly 7 now, followers :)
He is "not a fan of fanaticism" if that makes any sense??? He is opposed to TEAM sports, and the fact that people (FANS) attach themselves to "their" team with such intensity. I meant to ask him if he approved of individual sports, such as Golf, but couldn't get any words out at the time. He told me that he hates the way people "boast" after their team wins a game, and the way that people get so serious about sports that they are not even participating in. He does not agree with someone becoming a hardcore college sports fan just because they pay that school for an education. WTF!?! I bleed Texas Tech Football, so I began to get a little upset. By this point you have realized that yes, this is a MAN I am talking about. A man who doesn't like team sports??? It is ridiculous!
I just don't get it. You can feel strongly about hating snakes, or Asians, or going to the mall.... but how can someone (especially a man) feel so strongly against Fanaticism? Were you on the C Team in Jr. High? A band member? A waterboy? or do you genuinely feel that it is unhealthy for people to be Fans?
In an attempt to argue with a man I have just met, who also happens to be a higher-up at my NEW job which I haven't even started yet............ bad idea much?............. I proceed to explain to him that I was born and raised a Texas Tech Red Raider fan, which led me to go to school there. I do not have a F'in Double-T tattooed on the inside of my mouth just because I got a degree or three there..... I told him that I write about Texas Tech sports a lot, and he quickly realized just who he was messing with. With my GUNS UP, I told him that I just didn't understand his opinions and that I think it's pretty flabbergasting.
I don't hate, or judge, (unless you are a complete retard begging for haters), and like I always say, "Whatever floats your boat!" His wife must love NOT watching ESPN, and Sports Center on a 30 minute loop! But seriously....
Fiddler on the Roof
At my Highschool, we had to do this "thing" called a Senior Project. This was a YEAR long project, in which students had to choose a major topic, and study it for one semester, write a 20 page hard-core paper, and then spend the second semester with a mentor, and complete a large-scale project and presentation of what you have learned. For example, someone might choose "repainting a car", and then they study it, write a paper, find a mentor, and complete a car-painting project. People learned Yoga, Photography, and even how to build a deer-blind! Seems gay, because it is, but it was serious business at Lubbock Cooper! If you didn't pass the Senior Project, you weren't graduating. No bullshit! I saw it happen the year before us, which is why I picked something really special that I thought I could learn easily:
I chose to learn how to play the FIDDLE! Yes, the F'ing fiddle! What was I thinking? The truth is, I was thinking of starting a band of some sorts. My best friend was going to choose "playing the banjo", and we were searching for a singer, and a Harmonica player. Though it came as no surprise, I ended up being the only one who went through with the plan, and I was fine with it. As long as it was weird and nobody else was doing it, I was in! My grandmother had an OLD fiddle that she gave me, and I quickly began dreaming of how far Fiddle Playing could take me in life. I could play for the Dixie Chix, or maybe even THE BOSS!!! Did you know that he LOVES Gingers? Check this out! Anyways, I signed up, and as my mission statement for the year I put, "To play 'The Devil Went Down to Georgia' at my final presentation". Wow! That'a a huge Mission statement, but I didn't care!
So, the first half of the project came along, and I began researching Western Swing music. This is what I wrote my research paper about, so boring, and lame, barf! Anyways, I kicked ass at the paper, duh! I was ready to start fiddlin'! I got a reputable mentor that my Mom found, who knew Lubbock had a famous Fiddler? We met right off the bat, and it went pretty well. He told me that my fiddle was as old as crap, and that it needed some serious repairs. Just great, 3 less weeks of Fiddling! How am I ever gonna get my name out there now? My first real lesson went fantastically! I learned how to hold it, and what the notes were, kindof! I felt so cool!
I have never had any sort of musical capabilities... EVER! I broke my plastic flute in the 5th grade because I wanted to smash it rather than learn to play some gay flute. I NEVER chose band over art in Jr. High, and I damn sure didn't join that shit in highschool. No Thankyou! I cannot sing, or play anything, and I don't know what a tune or a melody is even about. I only know those vocab words from American Idol anyways! So learning an instrument at the age of 17 quickly began to seem like quite the challenge. I soon lost hope, and realized that fiddling was pretty hard. I quit going to meet with my mentor, and I never practiced because my whole family was tired of hearing me suck.
It finally came down to it. D Day. Presentation time. You better believe that my actual "presentation" (as in my poster board and pictures) was the bomb.com! I worked the poster board. There was kids bringing in deer blinds, and shitty posters everywhere. I began to get nervous. I pull out my fiddle and prepare what I am going to play for my panel of 4 teachers and one civilian. "The Devil Went Down to Georgia"??? NO! I was playing this thing, I think it's called a scale. It's about 10 notes, and they go from bottom to top, i think. Nah Nah Nah Nah Nah.... Nah Nah Nah Nah Nah. Yep! That's what I learned! All of the sudden, I bust a freaking string! You have got to be kidding me. Just before I start to cry and freak out, I realize that this could be a good thing. Surely you cant play any bad-ass fiddle songs without your G-string, right? Awesome!
I make my way into the evaluation room, and I immediately feel better. I got one football coach, one Ag teacher, one teacher that taught on the Mayflower, and an easily-charmed civilian man! This is gonna be okay! I let them know about the tragic loss of my string just before I entered the room, and I get immediate compassion! This is great, because I was nervous about how they would react to the next part of my presentation: the Video. We had to take a video/scrapbook documenting the semester and "learning" with our mentor. This was hard since I had only met with my mentor a few times, despite the fact that my "learning log" had about 60 documented hours of "learning"! In a last minute scramble to create my video, my mom got out the camera and a stack of T-shirts from my room. She told me to start out being really crappy, and work my way up to being better (pretty freaking hard to do when you can only make 10 noises, noises that sound like a dying cat). As we kept changing my shirt and hair-do, I tried my hardest to make the video seem as though it documented a few months of "learning".
My mom and I worked hard to make sure my video was legit , or at least appeared to be legit. So you can imagine my astonishment when I realized just how UN-legit the video was, right alongside my evaulation group. There was no date on the video, and I looked completely different from fake-day to fake-day..... BUT!!! The same EXACT episode of Seinfeld was on in the background the ENTIRE time. Though my mom moved me around the game room, we neglected to change the channel, or even just turn the stupid thing off! OMG!
I freaked out for about a day, but was happy to find out that I received a 98 on my Senior Project! Yes people, a 98! This was soley because of my swagger, and the fact that my evaluation team was awesome! I had a friend who recorded an entire CD of his own songs, and barely passed! That's because he got the psycho-spanish-teacher and the student-sexing-coach who was scared to do any wrong. Gotta love the Senior Project, my sister is doing it right now, but she is doing a great job! She has chosen weight-loss, and is currently sitting about 25 pounds lighter than she was before X-mas! Congrats Sissy!
It's time to start getting ready for Football season people!!! It is now more important than ever that the TRUE Red Raider fans show their support! We have a new coach and almost an entirely new coaching staff, we might be seeing some serious changes this season. I think Tommy Tubberville (TT) is gonna be awesome! It's about time we bring some of that SEC badd-ass-ness into the BIG 12, and I think that he might be able to turn this thing around! Not that the program was in a shit hole or anything, but we have been running a passing offense, and pansy defense for too long now. I think TT can help us even our game out, and possibly even create a focus on being a FOOTBALL TEAM! No pirates, no bullshit, just a good 'ole American Football Team!
BEST PURCHASE OF 2K10...THUS FAR
For a couple of months, I have been trying to remember to pick up a tube of Super Glue at the store. I only needed it to fix a broken leather bracelet, so it wasn't that big of a deal. Last week, I passed some as I was checking out at Walmart, so I bought it in excitement that I had finally "remembered".
I went home and fixed my bracelet! Awesome! I was too excited to even care that my index finger was still adhered to the bracelet, and I immediately began looking for something else to Super Glue. I repaired some earrings that had been coming loose, I mended a cracked candle holder, and I even used it to upholster a wall decor item!!! I soon found myself fixing all sorts of things around the house! My iPhone case, my domino box, my remote control, the list goes on and on! Get your ass some Super Glue people!!!
So, the Olympics were just here, and I didn't really get to catch much of it. Luckily, I have begun to discover the greater things in life, and I am not spending as much time on my ass in front of the television. I am not really much of a Winter Olympics person anyways. I like Gymnastics and Diving, not Curling and Luging! The Luge.... what a disastrous year for that event! I feel for the guy and everything, but seriously, that's a risk that you take when you agree to fly down an ice tube going 100 mph. Shit happens. No one ever said that luging was any sort of a good idea, regardless of the dangers. Who just walked outside one day and said, "I think I wanna build a large water slide made of ice, then have a box car race down, and eventually one day have one of the greatest movies EVER made about this new sport?" It's retarded. I also saw a bi-athlon event, where the competitors had to shoot a rifle at some targets, and then cross-country ski. Why is that a combination, and why the F is that an Olympic Sport? I won't even get into Curling...
The Olympics are for SPORTS. A sport is where people exert energy and use strength combined with training and strategy to kick ass. Sitting in a sled and trying really hard to be aerodynamic is not a sport. Polishing ice is not a sport, and "Ice Dancing" is a hobby. How about they add Football to the Winter Olympics, huh?
Swan's Texts from LastNight: Part I
(On a DT night, Shara is trying to find me on 6th street)
Shara: Where u at?
Swan: Union Park booty dancin with my liver!!!
haha, wow. I like my liver to party!
(from my little sister on a weekend)
Taylor: I love my sister, yes I do, I love my sister, how bout u?
(6 hours later at 4:30 am)
Swan: That was the cutest text ever :) I showed it to all of my friends
hmmm, love you too Sissy....
Shara: Where u at?
Swan: Union Park booty dancin with my liver!!!
haha, wow. I like my liver to party!
(from my little sister on a weekend)
Taylor: I love my sister, yes I do, I love my sister, how bout u?
(6 hours later at 4:30 am)
Swan: That was the cutest text ever :) I showed it to all of my friends
hmmm, love you too Sissy....
Finger Toes
I have the longest toes on the planet! Everyone who knows me, knows this about me. Even the pedicure ladies tell me this, and they see millions of toes a day! It never fails, someone will notice my toes and gasp, say something, or try to "shake" my foot (Lisa Garcia). I can cross my toes, I can pick up ANYTHING with my toes, and I can even draw and write my name with my toes. Tell me that isn't special! Some people just don't appreciate them.... jealous much?
I am used to the ridicule, and the incessant finger-toe jokes.... it doesn't bother me anymore. But what does bother me is the fact that my toes prohibit me from performing basic tasks. Such as; walking on carpet! If I walk bare-footed on carpet, it's over right then and there. I will end up on my face, no doubt! I think that somehow I trip over my own toes. It's like they get rolled up underneath my foot or something, I dunno, but it never ends well.
I also stump my toes on the reg. Door jambs, floor-level changes, computer chairs at work, ALWAYS in my way! This week has been brutal because I am in a new, unfamiliar place with boxes all over the floor. All of my toes feel broken right now.
The WORST part about having ridiculously long toes is buying shoes! I cannot wear very many styles of shoe. Summer is the hardest, because I often have trouble finding something that my toes do not hang over the edge of. As a result, I typically end up buying shoes that are atleast a full size bigger than what I should be wearing. I try to find sandals that are squared, not rounded at the toe, and really look for something that will let that 2nd guy hang out there pretty far. (P.S. Super long 2nd toe means I'm smart, or head of the household or something like that)Sneakers and boots aren't much easier though, because those cause me excruciating pain. I get all excited about buying a smaller size, not having banana boat feet, and end up making it a painful experience. My 2nd and 3rd toes roll up in there when I wear close-toed shoes, and I immediately lose all polish on those digits from the impact. It's a hard life, but I'm doin it.
I found myself CRACKING UP in the car the other day, when I heard this commercial. Don't get me wrong, I've heard it about 458 times this year, but for some reason.... this time.... I listened. NO!!! Your baby cannot read! Maybe when he's 3-4ish, and that would be pretty bad ass! Most kids learn how to read in Kindergarten, so a reading-toddler would be a pretty great accomplishment for any parent! So why tell people that their babies can read? It's ridiculous! My favorite part is that the box says it's for ages 5+.... makes a ton of sense, right?
I don't have a baby, nor do I want one.... But would definitely go for it if I thought I could get a reading-baby! That would be awesome! "Hey Mom, did you see that there is a choking hazard warning on this passy that you keep shoving into my mouth so I can't speak full sentences and read?" Get real people. But seriously, if you DO see a reading baby.... Grab it!
I don't have a baby, nor do I want one.... But would definitely go for it if I thought I could get a reading-baby! That would be awesome! "Hey Mom, did you see that there is a choking hazard warning on this passy that you keep shoving into my mouth so I can't speak full sentences and read?" Get real people. But seriously, if you DO see a reading baby.... Grab it!
Take a bite out of Crime!
I like onions! Some people hate them, but to each his own, right? I like them on my hamburgers, hotdogs, in my tuna salad, with my fajitas, and especially in my homemade salsa! They can really make a meal, but I would never eat one without it being a topping to something else! TRUE LIFE: I WATCHED THIS CHICK TAKE A BITE OUT OF AN ONION AS IF IT WERE AN APPLE! Holy Crap! How disgusting! This should be a crime! She acted like it was totally normal, and so did the 5 people she was sitting with. This was at a dinner party, so of course, my friends and I looked on in amazement, wondering what she was thinking. Who does that!?!
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